Thoughts of the Week: 5/14 – 5/21

 

On the game Bejeweled: “I love how, on those rare occasions when I play with the sound on, at the start of the game that voice tells me to ‘GO’ with such grave seriousness… like I’m the only person alive who can save the Earth from motherfucking gemstones.  Yes sir.  I’ll teach those gemstones a lesson about messing with Planet Earth.”

 

“God, you know what I love?  Those cars that are really, unnecessarily low to the ground, and they’re so gaudy and brightly colored.  It’s like in nature, where when an animal is really bright it’s usually a warning that they’re poisonous.  When a guy drives a car like that, he’s saying, ‘I’m a douchebag; watch out.’  It’s just nice of them to give us a warning like that.”

 

“I keep seeing advertisements for this compilation album called ‘Buzz Cuts’.  I have two thoughts about it every time I see it.  One: Hm, I own most of these songs.  Two: Who buys compilation albums anymore?  We have iTunes now.  Sometimes I get confused and wonder what decade it is.”

 

“I saw a bunch of high school kids walk into the corner store all decked-out in their prom outfits and I thought… god… that’s so something Sam and Becky and I would’ve gone.  After all, the three of us and Whitley once went to McDonalds immediately after homecoming.  I need to get some people together to get all dressed up for something really stupid now.”

 

“I saw a banner ad with a picture of a soldier and a puppy, and it asked, ‘Support the troops or rescue animals… Which would you choose?  Tell us.’  I assume its some kind of survey.  But… why would you have to choose?  Can’t you support both causes?  That’s kind of a trapped question, isn’t it?  If you choose the animals, then you must hate America’s soldiers.  If you choose the soldiers, then you must hate animals.  Whatever.  Given the choice between the two, I’m choosing that ridiculous anti-hot-air-balloon cause I read about on Cracked.  Just to spite the person who asked.”

 

“Have you ever been to Friendly’s and seen that Loaded Waffle Fries appetizer?  Like, it’s just a basket of waffle fries, covered in melted cheese and pieces of bacon.  Well, we made the mistake of ordering it and I could feel my arteries clamping up just looking at it.  I haven’t felt so disgusting eating something in a really long time.  Honestly, it’s the worst food idea I’ve seen since the Oreo Pizza.  Next thing you know, they’re just going to be serving a bucket of cholesterol as an appetizer.  With a straw.  Dave says it should come with its own defibrillator.”

 

“Every time I go to Friendly’s and look at the back of the menu where they have the seniors’ menu, I see something listed called the ‘Fishamajig’.  Now… that just sounds like something I’d never want to eat, even when I’m 60.  I wouldn’t trust it.  It’s actually really boring—just a plain fish sandwich on bread.  But it sounds like they’re not sure it’s even really fish.  ‘It’s fish-like… let’s just call it a Fishamajig!’” 

When you want something from someone, it's generally a good rule of thumb not to insult the person who has the thing you want.

I have a crew.  An entourage, if you will.

We're not exactly a club because we're not that formal, but we're more than just a bunch of friends.  We're more like... I don't know... a fellowship.  Or a not-so-secret secret society.  I guess we just are what we are.

We are The Messenger Bag Mafia.  And this... is our story.


Of course, the Mafia is always prepared to take Hostages, if you care to join us...

Everybody has to deal with stupid people at work, especially stupid customers.  However, I find that the more complicated and the more expensive the resource you're providing, the stupider people get.  So, when you're dealing in cars, you're going to have to deal with a lot of really stupid people.  I cannot count or even remember all the idiots I've had to deal with working for my parents, except that we sure have a good time talking about them behind their backs.  There was that one old woman who came in complaining of a "D-shaped light" on her dash that wouldn't go away, only for us to discover (with no surprise) that she'd been driving for a week with her high-beams on.

Yet, by far the most memorable story from the shop is the tale of this gentleman...


My dad is of the opinion that we should legally reserve the right to revoke people's licenses.  I am sometimes inclined to agree.

I've known a lot of stupid people in my day... and I seem to have gone to high school with most of them.  Maybe it was something in the water.

The T System in Boston could frequently be described as a Carnival of Horrors.  This incident, however, was... exceptional.

(A/N: Eventually, I'll lace this post with images of my road for visual reference)

 

(A/N: I initially typed this up for a blog I was going to do for the school e-zine, before I decided against it.  Now that I've got a Story Blog, I'm putting it here)

( How wet do you usually get at work? )